that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
