My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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