have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
