this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
