So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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