So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
