i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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