well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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