He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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