i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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