I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I still have a little drunk in my system
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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