the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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