I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
