the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
