Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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