She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
