I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
