In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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