Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm having to shit out rocks
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