Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
