You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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