I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
