I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
