The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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