yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
