forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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