Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
