I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
