and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
