My nipple is on Facebook.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
