im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
