the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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