i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
