I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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