I faked an abortion last night.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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