Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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