I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
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The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize