My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He felt like a one man threesome
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
