I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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