It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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