Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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