windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
