That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
