I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
