youre lurking in front of me
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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