Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
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Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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