I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
