I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
