I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
