i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
