miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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