i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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