my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
