Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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