wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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