what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
