a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
