I'm lost and stupid without you.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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