So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
