I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
