R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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