I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
