her vagine was all disorganized.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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