I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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