Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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