I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
