I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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