RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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