Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
