so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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