i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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