I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
