that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
