It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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