im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
All the doctor said was why
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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