my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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