My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize