i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i think my cat just said my name.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
