The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
