Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
