you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
