my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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